Spanky on sooky

And he's not alone in condemning him. Another SA scribe has bagged him and Sooky himself could be in hot water for bagging Kepler Wessels via twitter.

Yes, we do care about T20 cricket and yes, captain Smith should take the blame for the Proteas’ dismal performance
15 May 2010
Peter Roebuck

NO excuses can be offered for South Africa’s dismal showing in the Caribbean. Let’s not beat about the bush. They played like witless wonders. Nor is it any consolation that India, another supposedly mighty force, were even worse. The Proteas were outplayed and hardly a man amongst them produced the required gusto. In terms of aggression and adaptability they were far behind England and Australia. With his team needing 17 to win in the last over, Albie Morkel blocked two deliveries. Explain that and much will be revealed.

Nor is it wise to pretend that no one in their right mind cares about the tournament, the line advanced by Geoff Boycott and the cynics. It’s been an entertaining competition played before vibrant crowds on fair pitches and the four most resourceful teams reached the semi-finals. This T20 World Cup has been the best event organised by the ICC this century, excepting only a Champions League notable for the freshness and endeavour displayed by state sides given the chance to break out of the domestic mould.

Far from being a mere heave-ho, the cricket has been well worth watching. Australia relied on outright pace, forceful batting and a tyro leg-spinner, In other words they played the Australian brand of cricket. It took them a few seasons to realise it could be done. England have been intelligent and bold, always asking questions, always making the play. Pakistan were, well Pakistan, a law unto themselves. But they know their way and that’s half the battle. Sri Lanka were burdened with veterans, but sustained by two fine batsmen and the originality that has become a trademark.

The Proteas have nothing to complain about and nowhere to hide. South Africa’s latest failure at an international tournament suggests that the team lacks the ingredients detected in champions, including willpower, an ability to seize the moment, a desire to dictate and an ability to soar at the critical hour. Instead they looked pedestrian, played the percentages, and did not think on their feet.

At no stage did the Proteas look or think like champions. Although mediocre, I had the fortune to share a dressing-room with greatness for 10 years and so could study it at close quarters. No batsman was Viv Richards’ superior on the big occasions. He scored hundreds in cup finals at Lord’s twice, in 1979 and again in 1981. Somerset skittled Nottinghamshire in the ’82 final, whereupon Richards arrived at the crease and asked: “Robey, how am I supposed to score a hundred now?” His ability to reach three figures was not in doubt.

Joel Garner and Ian Botham had that same outlook. Garner was magnificent in finals, combining searing pace and withering accuracy. Botham was fearless, though seldom outrageous. All of them reached deep into themselves in search of that last bit of belief and ability. But only comrades saw those moments. On the field they revealed confidence.

It’s not only cricket. Apparently Jack Nicklaus used to arrive for fourth rounds at majors conveying an air that told the rest they were playing for second place. Tiger Woods, Michael Schumacher, Rod Laver and company surely displayed the same indomitable spirit. For that matter so does the leading darts player of the era. In other words, they think like champions.

Contrastingly, the Proteas seem to stumble, seem to play the last match and not the next, seem not to respond to the vital moment, and seem not to recognise urgency. Their thinking is too predictable. They are slaves to method. Joy is missing from their cricket; they lack spontaneity, do not seem to dare. Harsh? The problem is that, like my dog Copperhead, they are repeat offenders.

Maybe the team is too old, too set in its ways. Other nations have chosen leaders specifically for T20. Australia appointed Michael Clarke and the new man brought fresh ideas to the side, and none of the baggage that accompanies incumbents. England elevated Paul Collingwood and Pakistan promoted Shahid Afridi. Alongside the specialists chosen for T20 matches — in Australia’s case the fastest bowlers in the country are not available for anything else — these new voices ensure that T20 is not merely another match played by an old guard with other priorities, but an eagerly awaited and significant event.

Maybe the time has come for Smith to be given his T20 captaincy cards. He is a coruscating batsman and is used to playing under other leaders in this form of the game. Of late, too, South Africa have played their best one-day cricket under Johan Botha. Significantly, he was the team’s best performer in the Caribbean. Maybe the time has come to let the heavyweights focus on Test matches and 50-over contests. Maybe it’s time for radical thought in South African cricket. It’s time for a new T20 team and captain. It’s time to go for it.

It’s the Titanic all over again
15 May 2010
Lungani Zama

TRUST the Proteas to ruin my already bleak period of leave.

I had actively planned to vacate the armchair during the Twenty20 World Cup, for the sole reason that I didn’t need to be left deflated, depressed or defeated by yet another aborted campaign.

It’s a good thing Graeme Smith and his boys are not astronauts. We would have had so many failed missions that we probably would have had our space licence suspended.

I don’t actually want to talk about the Proteas. And I am pretty sure Smith doesn’t want anyone to talk about his team, either.

Already he has tried to shift the attention to Australia, saying they are his favourites. That is all very well, Biff, but while you are busy cheerleading for our favourite team in canary yellow, perhaps you could take down a few tips.

Here is a brainwave. They have a totally different captain for this version of the game.

Now don’t get me wrong, Smith is a great asset when he is in full flow. Certainly, the English will not be forgetting his and Loots Bosman’s assault at Centurion last season.

Or will they?

While the Proteas have perfected the knack of winning meaningless series, they have yet to grasp the art of saving your best for the biggest stage.

They always look great on paper. Heck, just look at their Indian Premier League credentials!

Don’t, rather.

The biggest problem facing the Proteas is their predictability. There is no surprise factor in the side.

JP Duminy stood out, but that was in Australia, and since then he has slipped rather rapidly into mediocrity.

Duminy’s case is rather worrying now; indeed he cannot be carried anymore.

What is really crazy is that most of the team play with amazing freedom when they don their IPL pyjamas, or their domestic jumpers.

But put them in a bit of green and gold, and they suddenly get all lily-livered.

It is almost as if there is a throttling presence in the SA dressing room.

Quite frankly, this block — whether it is mental or physical — has entrenched itself in the South African psyche, and it doesn’t seem ready to leave while the current crop is in office.

It pains me to point to the Antipodes as a case study, but let’s be honest enough to admit the Aussies seldom get it wrong.

Remember when their “galacticos” retired in a blaze. We all expected them to fall back into the pack, due to the lack of a genuine spinner to take the load off their fast men.

So what do the bastards go and do?

Get even more pace, and another promising leggie rocks up and suddenly they are on their way again.

So what’s the secret?

Well, it isn’t much of a riddle, really.

The Aussies are proactive, while we wait for the worst to come before we get our asses into gear.

It is ridiculous that if our entire top brass (Smith, Kallis, Boucher and, well, Makhaya Ntini has already bailed) left the building, we would be scratching desperately for their replacements.

Where Australia blood players for a good few years, thus becoming part of the furniture, we would rather wait for Armageddon before we dare upset the apple cart. Well, this scribe thinks it is high time our superstars got a little ruffled.

The recipe is not working, certainly not at international level in one-day internationals or the hit-and-giggle stuff.

Not a soul in South Africa is giggling at the half-baked farce Smith’s chefs served up in the West Indies.

With 17 to win off our final over to have any hope, and our biggest hitter is patting the ball to point with all the urgency of a government employee.

I’m sorry, but even if it was 100 to win off six balls, a bit more energy would have at least shown that they were trying.

It was farcical, and the only thing worse for me was the bout of tonsilitis that I suffered from for most of my break.

So instead of being nursed back to health by a hearty showing from our Proteas, I almost drugged myself to death with paracetamol, as I sought to numb the pain of our national side not even rocking up in the competition.

When did we become cannon fodder for Pakistan?

They are supposed to be in disarray, but if an alien rocked up, it would have sworn it was De Villiers and company who had sacked half their squad recently.

There is nothing else to do but to start afresh.

David Miller’s call-up is a step in the right direction, but it is not nearly adequate.

It’s time for the selectors to go shopping — and go wholesale.

As if being sick while on holiday wasn’t bad enough, watching a team fluff its lines repeatedly made me almost eager to return to work early.

Then I came to my senses, and realised that being sick at home beats being at the office writing obituaries about the Proteas any day.

Red wrote:And he's not alone in condemning him. Another SA scribe has bagged him and Sooky himself could be in hot water for bagging Kepler Wessels via twitter.

Yes, we do care about T20 cricket and yes, captain Smith should take the blame for the Proteas’ dismal performance
15 May 2010
Peter Roebuck

NO excuses can be offered for South Africa’s dismal showing in the Caribbean. Let’s not beat about the bush. They played like witless wonders. Nor is it any consolation that India, another supposedly mighty force, were even worse. The Proteas were outplayed and hardly a man amongst them produced the required gusto. In terms of aggression and adaptability they were far behind England and Australia. With his team needing 17 to win in the last over, Albie Morkel blocked two deliveries. Explain that and much will be revealed.

Nor is it wise to pretend that no one in their right mind cares about the tournament, the line advanced by Geoff Boycott and the cynics. It’s been an entertaining competition played before vibrant crowds on fair pitches and the four most resourceful teams reached the semi-finals. This T20 World Cup has been the best event organised by the ICC this century, excepting only a Champions League notable for the freshness and endeavour displayed by state sides given the chance to break out of the domestic mould.

Far from being a mere heave-ho, the cricket has been well worth watching. Australia relied on outright pace, forceful batting and a tyro leg-spinner, In other words they played the Australian brand of cricket. It took them a few seasons to realise it could be done. England have been intelligent and bold, always asking questions, always making the play. Pakistan were, well Pakistan, a law unto themselves. But they know their way and that’s half the battle. Sri Lanka were burdened with veterans, but sustained by two fine batsmen and the originality that has become a trademark.

The Proteas have nothing to complain about and nowhere to hide. South Africa’s latest failure at an international tournament suggests that the team lacks the ingredients detected in champions, including willpower, an ability to seize the moment, a desire to dictate and an ability to soar at the critical hour. Instead they looked pedestrian, played the percentages, and did not think on their feet.

At no stage did the Proteas look or think like champions. Although mediocre, I had the fortune to share a dressing-room with greatness for 10 years and so could study it at close quarters. No batsman was Viv Richards’ superior on the big occasions. He scored hundreds in cup finals at Lord’s twice, in 1979 and again in 1981. Somerset skittled Nottinghamshire in the ’82 final, whereupon Richards arrived at the crease and asked: “Robey, how am I supposed to score a hundred now?” His ability to reach three figures was not in doubt.

Joel Garner and Ian Botham had that same outlook. Garner was magnificent in finals, combining searing pace and withering accuracy. Botham was fearless, though seldom outrageous. All of them reached deep into themselves in search of that last bit of belief and ability. But only comrades saw those moments. On the field they revealed confidence.

It’s not only cricket. Apparently Jack Nicklaus used to arrive for fourth rounds at majors conveying an air that told the rest they were playing for second place. Tiger Woods, Michael Schumacher, Rod Laver and company surely displayed the same indomitable spirit. For that matter so does the leading darts player of the era. In other words, they think like champions.

Contrastingly, the Proteas seem to stumble, seem to play the last match and not the next, seem not to respond to the vital moment, and seem not to recognise urgency. Their thinking is too predictable. They are slaves to method. Joy is missing from their cricket; they lack spontaneity, do not seem to dare. Harsh? The problem is that, like my dog Copperhead, they are repeat offenders.

Maybe the team is too old, too set in its ways. Other nations have chosen leaders specifically for T20. Australia appointed Michael Clarke and the new man brought fresh ideas to the side, and none of the baggage that accompanies incumbents. England elevated Paul Collingwood and Pakistan promoted Shahid Afridi. Alongside the specialists chosen for T20 matches — in Australia’s case the fastest bowlers in the country are not available for anything else — these new voices ensure that T20 is not merely another match played by an old guard with other priorities, but an eagerly awaited and significant event.

Maybe the time has come for Smith to be given his T20 captaincy cards. He is a coruscating batsman and is used to playing under other leaders in this form of the game. Of late, too, South Africa have played their best one-day cricket under Johan Botha. Significantly, he was the team’s best performer in the Caribbean. Maybe the time has come to let the heavyweights focus on Test matches and 50-over contests. Maybe it’s time for radical thought in South African cricket. It’s time for a new T20 team and captain. It’s time to go for it.

It’s the Titanic all over again
15 May 2010
Lungani Zama

TRUST the Proteas to ruin my already bleak period of leave.

I had actively planned to vacate the armchair during the Twenty20 World Cup, for the sole reason that I didn’t need to be left deflated, depressed or defeated by yet another aborted campaign.

It’s a good thing Graeme Smith and his boys are not astronauts. We would have had so many failed missions that we probably would have had our space licence suspended.

I don’t actually want to talk about the Proteas. And I am pretty sure Smith doesn’t want anyone to talk about his team, either.

Already he has tried to shift the attention to Australia, saying they are his favourites. That is all very well, Biff, but while you are busy cheerleading for our favourite team in canary yellow, perhaps you could take down a few tips.

Here is a brainwave. They have a totally different captain for this version of the game.

Now don’t get me wrong, Smith is a great asset when he is in full flow. Certainly, the English will not be forgetting his and Loots Bosman’s assault at Centurion last season.

Or will they?

While the Proteas have perfected the knack of winning meaningless series, they have yet to grasp the art of saving your best for the biggest stage.

They always look great on paper. Heck, just look at their Indian Premier League credentials!

Don’t, rather.

The biggest problem facing the Proteas is their predictability. There is no surprise factor in the side.

JP Duminy stood out, but that was in Australia, and since then he has slipped rather rapidly into mediocrity.

Duminy’s case is rather worrying now; indeed he cannot be carried anymore.

What is really crazy is that most of the team play with amazing freedom when they don their IPL pyjamas, or their domestic jumpers.

But put them in a bit of green and gold, and they suddenly get all lily-livered.

It is almost as if there is a throttling presence in the SA dressing room.

Quite frankly, this block — whether it is mental or physical — has entrenched itself in the South African psyche, and it doesn’t seem ready to leave while the current crop is in office.

It pains me to point to the Antipodes as a case study, but let’s be honest enough to admit the Aussies seldom get it wrong.

Remember when their “galacticos” retired in a blaze. We all expected them to fall back into the pack, due to the lack of a genuine spinner to take the load off their fast men.

So what do the bastards go and do?

Get even more pace, and another promising leggie rocks up and suddenly they are on their way again.

So what’s the secret?

Well, it isn’t much of a riddle, really.

The Aussies are proactive, while we wait for the worst to come before we get our asses into gear.

It is ridiculous that if our entire top brass (Smith, Kallis, Boucher and, well, Makhaya Ntini has already bailed) left the building, we would be scratching desperately for their replacements.

Where Australia blood players for a good few years, thus becoming part of the furniture, we would rather wait for Armageddon before we dare upset the apple cart. Well, this scribe thinks it is high time our superstars got a little ruffled.

The recipe is not working, certainly not at international level in one-day internationals or the hit-and-giggle stuff.

Not a soul in South Africa is giggling at the half-baked farce Smith’s chefs served up in the West Indies.

With 17 to win off our final over to have any hope, and our biggest hitter is patting the ball to point with all the urgency of a government employee.

I’m sorry, but even if it was 100 to win off six balls, a bit more energy would have at least shown that they were trying.

It was farcical, and the only thing worse for me was the bout of tonsilitis that I suffered from for most of my break.

So instead of being nursed back to health by a hearty showing from our Proteas, I almost drugged myself to death with paracetamol, as I sought to numb the pain of our national side not even rocking up in the competition.

When did we become cannon fodder for Pakistan?

They are supposed to be in disarray, but if an alien rocked up, it would have sworn it was De Villiers and company who had sacked half their squad recently.

There is nothing else to do but to start afresh.

David Miller’s call-up is a step in the right direction, but it is not nearly adequate.

It’s time for the selectors to go shopping — and go wholesale.

As if being sick while on holiday wasn’t bad enough, watching a team fluff its lines repeatedly made me almost eager to return to work early.

Then I came to my senses, and realised that being sick at home beats being at the office writing obituaries about the Proteas any day.

Spanking is a form of corporal punishment commonly used to discipline an infant, toddler, child, teenager, or in some cultures women. It typically consists of an adult striking the child's bottom in reaction to poor behavior, with either an open hand or an implement, without producing physical injury. When an instrument is used in lieu of a hand, spanking becomes switching, paddling, belting, caning, whipping, or birching, depending on the type of implement. When an open hand is used, some countries refer to spanking as slapping or smacking. In much of the Western world, spanking is more likely to be given to younger children than to teens. Historically, boys have tended to be more frequently spanked than girls.

Occasionally, "spanking" refers to the practice of striking an adult, not as punishment, but as a social ritual or form of entertainment.

Some countries have outlawed the spanking of children in every setting, but many allow it at least when administered by a parent or guardian. For the legal status of corporal punishment in different countries, see Corporal punishment in the home and School corporal punishment.

Terminology
In North America, the word "spanking" has often been used as a synonym for an official paddling in school, and sometimes even as a euphemism for the formal corporal punishment of adults in an institution.

In British English, most dictionaries define "spanking" as being given only with the open hand. In American English, dictionaries define spanking as being administered with either the open hand or an implement such as a paddle. Thus, the standard form of corporal punishment in US schools (licks with a paddle) is often referred to as a spanking, whereas its pre-1997 English equivalent (strokes of the cane) would never have been so described.

In Britain, Ireland, Australia and New Zealand, the word "smacking" is generally used in preference to "spanking" when describing striking with an open hand, rather than with an implement. Whereas a spanking is invariably administered to the buttocks, "smacking" is less specific and may refer to slapping the child's hands, arms or legs as well as its buttocks.

In the home
Opinions remain sharply divided on whether spanking is helpful. Public attitudes towards the acceptability and effectiveness of spanking vary a great deal by nation and region. For example in the United States and United Kingdom, social acceptance of spanking children maintains a majority position, from approximately 61% to 80%. In Sweden, before the 1979 ban, more than half of the population considered corporal punishment a necessary part of child rearing. By 1996 the rate was 11%, and less than 34% considered it acceptable in a national survey.

On the other hand, many scientific researchers and child welfare organizations oppose it. Some studies have suggested that it does not benefit the child, and can encourage problems like anxiety, alcohol abuse, or dependence and externalizing problems. Various other problems have also been claimed.

Some researchers have been critical of these studies as scientifically unsound and have pointed out methodological flaws in how they were conducted, as well as the conclusions drawn. In 2006, the Dunedin multidisciplinary health and development study reported that children who were spanked had slightly better outcomes than those not spanked, and much greater outcomes than those abused.

A common method of spanking is to have the child or teenager lying, stomach down, across the parent's lap, with the parent bringing their open hand down upon the child's buttocks. Alternatively, the youngster might be told to bend over, or lie face down across a bed. If it is wished to make the punishment more severe, the clothing might be removed. Those who argue in favour of spanking claim that bottom is the safest place to administer the punishment since there is no danger of injury to this part of the body.

In schools
Corporal punishment, usually delivered with an implement (such as a paddle or cane) rather than with the open hand, used to be a common form of school discipline in many countries, but it is now banned in much of the western world, including every country in Europe, and in Japan, Canada, South Africa and New Zealand. These bans have been controversial, and in many cultures opinion remains sharply divided as to the efficacy or suitability of spanking as a punishment for misbehaviour by school students.

Formal caning, notably for teenage boys, remains a common form of discipline in schools in several Asian and African countries, especially those with a British heritage such as Malaysia, Singapore, Tanzania and Zimbabwe. However, in these cultures it is referred to as "caning" and not "spanking".

In the United States, the Supreme Court in 1977 held that the paddling of school students was not per se unlawful. The constitutional ban on "cruel and unusual punishment" applied only to those convicted of crime: the common-law stipulation that school corporal punishment be "reasonable and not excessive" was a sufficient safeguard against misuse. However, 30 states have now banned paddling in public schools. Paddling is still common in some schools in the South, where it is often called "spanking".

Women
In some cultures, the spanking of women, by the male head of the family or by the husband (sometimes called domestic discipline) has been and sometimes continues to be a common and approved custom. In most western countries, this practice has come to be regarded as unlawful and socially unacceptable wife-beating, domestic violence or abuse. Routine corporal punishment of women by their husbands, however, does still exist in some parts of the developing world, and still occurs in isolated cases in western countries.

Spanking in social ritual
Spanking exists in spheres of life distinct from punishment. Note the issue of legal consent, which may or may not represent a defence to charges of criminal assault.

Folkloristic spanking traditions
Spanking of people who have for the first time succeeded in climbing on the top of Mount Triglav

In Latvia there is a tradition of spanking on Palm Sunday morning. The spanker sneaks into the potential spankee's bedroom and wakes him or her up. The whipping is done with pussy willow branches or (rarely) birch. This ritual spanking is often applied to the bare buttocks. Sometimes spanking is done in early morning with aspen tree birch, while people are sleeping naked or in nightgown.

On the first day of the lunar Chinese new year holidays, a week-long 'Spring Festival', the most important festival for Chinese people all over the world, thousands of Chinese visit the Taoist Dong Lung Gong temple in Tungkang to go through the century-old ritual to get rid of bad luck, men by receiving spankings and women by being whipped (as in the Ancient Roman -unisex- Lupercalia); the number of strokes to being administered (always lightly) by the temple staff is decided in either case by the god Wang Ye and by burning incense and tossing two pieces of wood, after which all go home happily, believing their luck will improve.

On Easter Monday, there is a Slavic tradition of hitting girls and young ladies with woven willow switches (Czech: pomlázka; Slovak: korbáč) and dousing them with water.

In Slovenia, there is a jocular tradition that anyone who succeeds in climbing to the top of Mount Triglav receives a spanking or birching.

Birthday spanking
In some cultures there is a custom to spank a person for fun on his or her birthday

Adult spanking
Adult spanking differs from traditional parent-child spanking in that the act is between two consenting adults. Adults engage in the activity for several different reasons. The most common is simply playful erotic spanking amongst people engaging in other intimate activities. People who require spanking to be a part of their sexual play are considered spanking fetishists.

How good is Wikipedia?

It’s been an entertaining competition played before vibrant crowds on fair pitches

As far as i could see, there were only two men & their dogs at the semi against Pakistan.

Oh look, both of Red's passions in one thread title, replete with cut-and-paste, and very little else.

Although it has happened before...

Spanky on sooky

{shudders at mental image}

I'm disappointed with Red's new avatar. It covers all angles. (....and curves)

Zat wrote:Oh look, both of Red's passions in one thread title, replete with cut-and-paste, and very little else.

Although it has happened before...

Unfair Zatty.

The tits weren't bad.

Questionable tits, Red.