A Comprehensive Guide on How To Forum!!!

[Batman]

You may ask me... Batman, how do I get awesome on a forum? In fact, I am so awesome, that I have decided to share my secrets to awesomeness! It is a good thing that I am actually as awesome as I claim to be, or else people might think I am arrogant, which is clearly not true, because of the undeniable awesome proof of my awesomeness. Here are some rules on how to be Awesome on a forum.



STEP 1: Proper spelling, almost proper grammar.

This is key to any post you make. Incorrectly spelled words prove that you should have failed some test back in the second grade, thus annulling any opinion you may have had about an issue. People don't want to hear the uneducated. On the other hand, the vast majority of the world is not masters of the English language, and nobody reads forums to browse essays and formal documents. Internet forums are a place where people can communicate to others in conversational tones. Hence, as long as your grammar is consistent with what would sound alright in speech, it is acceptable. Anyone attempting to scrutinize half-decent grammar is just a "Grammar Nazi" who isn't liked by anyone.

Hence, by speaking in correctly spelled conversational tones, you will appeal to the majority of the forum readers. Don't be careful to make sure a post is appropriate before posting it, just be yourself, and if you're stupid, we will all know and promptly make fun of you until you leave the forums while crying like a little girl.



STEP 2: Post constructively, but constructive is subjective.

That's right. It is possible to make a constructive post without making progress in any way, shape, or form. To be constructive, you simply have to add something positive to the community. Now, first, let us define community for you. Taken straight out of the dangerous and life-threatening pages of dictionary.com, I present to you, their definition of community: Sharing, participation, and fellowship.

Now, there are other definitions, but that one is the most general and fits many things the best, and for the purposes of forum communities, it is perfect. Now, how do you add something positive to that community? Well, first of all, you have to participate. The community is always actively doing something. It could be discussing something, debating something, or mercilessly flaming someone who is an idiot. Participation in these events is a start, but constructiveness is a must if you want to be a valued member of the community.

For example, someone presents a thread with a dilemma they are having, and you propose a solution to their problem. People discuss the pros and cons of your solution, and thus you have sparked a helpful conversation within the community. This is constructive by making progress.

As another example, someone posts the following -

Quote:
Originally Posted by Some loser

omg Jick mak teh fire suit it would be cool it would be fire hat 300 power makes u hot, fire sword 300 power makes u hot and fire pants 300 power makes u hot and if you equip them all u r hot

Inappropriate responses would be "STFU, Looser." or "IBL" These are not constructive posts. However, attempting to provide constructive criticism to this poster's is a waste of your time and brain. You are on the road to awesomeness, remember. Attempting to help this person is like going all the way back to the beginning to drag him down the road.

The best course of action to take in a scenario like this would be to ignore it. However, if you can find a way to flame him in such a way that is funny, and would make other people laugh, then you will add something constructive to the community in the form of humor. And trust me, the community doesn't need that guy, and won't miss him one bit.



STEP 3: Don't piss off everybody.
Yeah, we're all people, and we all like to talk shit, but really, there's no need to post something that will make the vast majority of people hate you. Just keep it to yourself. Nobody wants to read it. Nobody cares about your opinion, but they will hate you for it.

There are a lot of things you can do to piss off everyone at once, but they are all easy to avoid. Attacking a well-respected community member is a good way to piss people off, as is dissing a community interest (KOL SUX LOLOLOL).

Now, the above examples are by no means even a fraction of the things not to do, but as long as you remember common courtesy and common sense, and your best judgment on when not to use them, you will do fine in picking your battles on pissing off the few people who don't matter.



STEP 4: Sex
If you're a girl, talk about sex a lot. This always works.



STEP 5: Keep it up
Forum whore as much as possible. The more places your name is, the better. Post count doesn't matter; it's who recognizes you that does.



STEP 6: Sex
I just wanted to reiterate how much this actually works. Try it if you don't believe me.

[Batman]

People here can feel free to keep adding to it.


PS: Pretty sure Dem qualifies as the forummer who has mastered points 4-6. Taccy and Bucky are vying for the top spot for point no. 3

[Guest]

People here can feel free to keep adding to it.


PS: Pretty sure Dem qualifies as the forummer who has mastered points 4-6. Taccy and Bucky are vying for the top spot for point no. 3

Did you actually read number 3 yourself?

[Batman]

People here can feel free to keep adding to it.


PS: Pretty sure Dem qualifies as the forummer who has mastered points 4-6. Taccy and Bucky are vying for the top spot for point no. 3

Did you actually read number 3 yourself?

Didn't quite achieve the amount of reactions Bucky and Taccy are capable of.....

[Chivalry Augustus]

I'm a master forummer and am popular everywhere I go, so I don't feel compelled to even look at this, let alone to read it. Seriously, I must be in the top one members everywhere I go. Even if I save my worst material for FB.

[Batman]

I'm a master forummer and am popular everywhere I go, so I don't feel compelled to even look at this, let alone to read it. Seriously, I must be in the top one members everywhere I go. Even if I save my worst material for FB.

Looks like I made someone feel really awesome here.....

[Basil]

'kin hell

[Guest]

STEP 4: Sex
If you're a girl, talk about sex a lot. This always works.

Certainly did for Michelle on the C4rum.

[taipan]

STEP 4: Sex
If you're a girl, talk about sex a lot. This always works.

Certainly did for Michelle on the C4rum.

Um, wasn't that Sarah?

[embee]

Sarah and Michelle talking about sex with each other ....that would generate some interest

[taipan]

Sarah and Michelle talking about sex with each other ....that would generate some interest

Good times

[Batman]

Sarah and Michelle talking about sex with each other ....that would generate some interest

Good times

Yeah. Now we have to settle for Dem-Tac.....

[Guest]

STEP 4: Sex
If you're a girl, talk about sex a lot. This always works.

Certainly did for Michelle on the C4rum.

Um, wasn't that Sarah?

Was Sarah the 6 foot tall Canadian nurse?

[taipan]

STEP 4: Sex
If you're a girl, talk about sex a lot. This always works.

Certainly did for Michelle on the C4rum.

Um, wasn't that Sarah?

Was Sarah the 6 foot tall Canadian nurse?

With the jugs

[Batman]

Then there was Jeff..........